The Seven Year Itch

Ok, after much debate it has been determined that Andy and I have been married for seven years.

When we first started dating, I did all kinds of fun, creative things for him. I made a gift box with envelopes and presents for each day he was gone on tour. I created things for his apartment to decorate and remind him of me. I made photo albums. When we were engaged I made a tear away calendar that counted down the days until the wedding with a quote or love note from me to him for every day. I used scrap book stickers to fancy it up. I wrote him letters every week.

Now that we have been married and have two children, that kind of thing has really slacked off. I mean, who has the time for all that? Do you know how much energy it takes just to think up that stuff?!

I got on Pinterest finally. I can’t believe I didn’t get on earlier but social media is my biggest downfall and I was afraid. BE NOT AFRAID! Get on. Get inspired. Get off and do!

I have found so many creative ways to rekindle that special something with Andy. Today, I put a print out of the words “I love you because…” in a picture frame and attached a dry erase marker. Every day I can put a new reason up! It’s hanging in our bedroom.

If you have more creative ideas on fun little things to remind him how much I love him, I want to hear them!

Friday Night at the Adams – Happy Sabbath

Sabbath. Ahhhh… supposedly the day of rest but for mothers of toddlers… well, you have got to be kidding. This is when the real work begins. Sometimes I feel like I work harder on Sabbath than any other day. Friday night we have dinner all together. As usual, this usually includes my kids bathing in whatever they have in front of them. Then into the bath. I struggle to get a toothbrush in their mouths, chase them around the tub with water and soap and finally send them scooting into the living room wrapped in towels. Here they will sit in front of the fire and I will wrestle them while I comb their hair and get it either into curlers or braids. Then jammies (and after all that they better be footies because I’m not getting a shirt over those sponge rollers). Storytime, prayers, water, potty, more water, most likely more prayers, a diaper change, more prayers, stories on the CD player and finally, they are calm and down. This is still followed by us cleaning up the bathroom, living room and kitchen. Then I still have to make something for potluck or lunch tomorrow. Whew!

Tonight as I listen to Abby pray, it amazes me how patient Andy is to listen to them pray over and over and never say, “OK, it’s enough. You are now going to sleep.” He is an amazing man. Abby prays:

“Dear God, I know you are kinda busy but I want to thank you for my new elephant and my new curlers. And God, protect us. Amen”

Be still my heart. Of course, she knows that Daddy will stay there as long as she keeps praying so it gets drawn out. I’m ok with that.

 

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Ending Thumb-sucking

Yeah, right.

I believe this effort to be somewhat futile but I’m going to attempt to break Cate of her thumb sucking. The thing is, it’s unsanitary, it’s dentally detrimental and I don’t want her going to academy with a bad habit to break. I’ve seen kids at the school who still are trying to break this habit and it scared me. Therefore, I’m starting a gentle effort toward self-control with my toddler. We’ll see how it works.

When I catch her with her thumb in her mouth, I will remind her that she can only do that in her bed. Then she will be put in her bed. We’ll see how this all works out. If it becomes an issue where I believe it is a deterrent to building a good relationship with my baby, I will stop. I just don’t know exactly what else to do at this time. Suggestions are welcome.

Words I Hope My Children NEVER Stop Saying Wrong

Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I suppose it’s not a cute to hear a 35 year old ask if we are going to take the stairs or the alligator. However, I hope I never forget how cute it is right now to hear Cate say:

Yammy – Lamby

Ta – Tada (Mommy, watch! … Ta!)

Sweep – Sleep (Mommy, sweep wi-you?)

Tate – Cate (I Tate. You Mommy)

Titty – Kitty (Yeah, I almost die every time…)

Nugoe – Snuggle

Or Abby with her little:

Mommy, is the bathing sister coming? (Baby sitter…)

I love it when they are learning to talk. Of course, with Abby is more what she says as opposed to how she says it now. She’s just getting to be so smart! I love it.

 

Last Years Toys

I had our girls toys split into two boxes that were “six month boxes.” However, after their glorious Christmas this year in which they got so much stuff we were forced to split Christmas into Hanuka just because it would have overflowed our living room to do it all at once, we needed to add TWO more boxes. Now we have four “three month” boxes that should live through the birthdays, we hope.

Anyway, I insisted that as we cleaned and sorted, only properly working toys be put in the boxes and all those that were broken, stained, from a fast food restaurant, were to be tossed. Last year, my brother bought an ever popular “ball” game that you put little mutli-colored balls in and it shoots them out the top and the kids just go nuts. It also bears mentioning that it plays the most annoying music in the world at a volume that can only minorly be adjusted. It’s a parents nightmare. The kids love to put all kinds of things that are NOT the approved balls down into the tube. Stuff get’s stuck or the whole device is used as a Gatling gun and it just is a pain the neck. The girls love it. When I discovered that a ball was irrecoverably wedged in the tube, I thought that would be the end of the worst toy ever gifted to us. However, the girls almost had a coronary when I tried to get rid of it so…

…I hunted until I found a screw driver that would reach the tiny screws down in the long holes (incidentally, this came from another nightmare toy, the Erector Set which sends teeny screws into my vacuum cleaner and strange pieces into the bottom of my feet as I walk in our living room. Who comes up with this stuff?). Then I sat down with my girls “favorite toy” and began with the help of a wrench to get out 15 tiny screws of varying lengths to open this crazy device. After taking off not one but TWO layers of plastic, I was almost in! I didn’t want to take out another screw so I reached the tube with the screw driver and moved the ball and hair clip enough that they were apart so they would slide out easily and began the arduous task of re-screwing EVERYTHING back together, putting the batteries back in and setting the device up only to find that ball and hair clip had started a new love affair and were once again wedged in. I through up my hands in frustration and the girls looked at me in despair. “Not verking?” – Cate. “NO! NEVER WORKING AGAIN!” Dang it… I got several golf balls and violently slammed them into the tube, getting the ball unwedged and the toy was saved. I am supermom.

Toyland

Give your kid an expensive, latest, state of the art toy for Christmas and its broken the same day. Take them to any fast food joint and get a dinky toy in the kids meal and it will never be broken or lost, even if you throw it in the trash can day after day! What is that?!

Christmas Time is Here

Christmas always makes me think about my family. As I listen to Christmas music, I have special memories for each person.

My dad and his amazing selflessness. He cares about people, truly and gives without wanting anything in return or expectation of result. My mom and her amazing cooking and how she always sounds happy to hear my voice on the phone no matter how many times I have called her that week. My sister and our nights before Christmas when we would wrap up toys and pretend it was Christmas for days before. Our late night shopping trips to Walmart for stocking stuffers. Sleeping in each others beds because we read stories together until our eyes closed. My brother and our late night talks by the fireplace.

Traditions: Reading The Other Wise Man by Henry Van Dyke. Confessions for the year. The “other guy” stocking. The beauty of the season.

Tell me about your favorite thoughts on the season.

 

GUILTY

I have been pronounced guilty. At least, that’s how I feel as a mother more and more. It’s hard not to get bogged down in the guilt that can so easily come with motherhood.

Guilt that I’m not the wife I used to be when Andy and I first got married. I don’t work out as often as i need to. I don’t eat exactly how I should. That perfect body (and yes, I look back and realize that although I have always had a far from perfect body, I’d take that one back in a heart beat) is long gone and I don’t have the energy to do as much dating as we used to.

Guilt that I am not the perfect mother to the girls. That mother who makes perfectly balanced meals, keeps a clean house, never lets them watch television, has them potty trained at exactly 2 years old and reading at 3. I don’t do play dates on a regular basis, I don’t take them out the park often enough. I hate snow and all that come with it. Really, I hate anything cold which includes most water sports and MUD… usually.

Guilt that I don’t do what I should for the family. I don’t have a job that pays. I try and treat being a stay at home mom like a job but I’m not “on it” all the time. I’m just tired! I’m sick and tired of the whining and I’m tired of changing diapers and wiping buts and cleaning up the same mess over and over and never keeping it clean for more than 30 seconds. I’m just not as happy as those moms on TV who are going about their cleaning with smiles and satisfied looks at the end.

But what I DO like about me is that I am working towards being a more positive person. I know that kinda goes against this post but I’m looking for the good in every situation. I’m involved in my community and church. I love my kids and they get fed and cleaned up and their dentist says their teeth are GREAT! I’m proud that my husband is who he is and I’m always ready to show off the beauty of my children.

I might be guilty of not being perfect. I’m totally guilty as charged when called a human being.

Aren’t we all?

The List

I recently saw a preview for the Jessica Parker movie, I Don’t Know How She Does It. She mentions that she doesn’t sleep. Instead she lays awake and does The List. I know that feeling.

Now that I have two kids and Abby is in gymnastics and swimming and I’m volunteering and getting involved in the church and playing in the bell choir, The List becomes increasingly more laden with EVERYTHING. I admit it, I have an iphone and without it, I would miss every dentist appointment and my kids would not be vaccinated. Suddenly I find myself overscheduled and CRAZY. With the heavy schedule, I find myself going back to the insomniac I was when I was pregnant, but for entirely different reasons.

Rolling around in my head are questions like, “Did I schedule that baby shower and that rehersal at the same time? Should I let Abby skip gymnastics to go to the doctor just to have him tell her she’s fine and that’ll be $90 please? Did I leave that laundry in the washer for more than a few hours, because I haven’t been home in like 24.”

I just get so busy and all the while my kids are SCREAMING for every need at the top of their lungs and when I tell them to just wait a minute, Mommy’s on the potty! they break into tears.

I know that I need to say no, but then there are weeks when there is NOTHING and I am totally in recovery and I lay on the couch just to catch up on much needed down time and think, what am I doing, nothing?

Both ways, busy or couch potato, I feel guilty. I need to find a happy medium.

 

Perspective

After being a non-parent, a teacher, and a parent, I have discovered something: You need perspective. I thought I had it all figured out when I was young. (Why didn’t I make millions then?) But the truth is, the older I get, the more I realize I have NOTHING figured out and I probably never will. How does this apply to parenting?

Like any relationship, I can’t see whats right in front of me sometimes. When my kids were born, my brain kicked in and all those bonding chemicals told me that my child was perfect, beautiful and could do no wrong. Now, I KNOW from experience that all kids are ego-centric, manipulative and… usually, liars. They aren’t all models and they aren’t all naturally intelligent and they just aren’t all perfect. I also know that all kids have strengths, all kids have GREAT things about them and all kids are searching for that one thing that will make them stand out. However, as the parent, it’s hard to see all of that because the love that overwhelms me every time they hug me, every time I see their perfect faces, every time I think about their cute little voices and the things they do just erases every ounce of perspective I could have.

This is not just about the bad stuff. I can’t always see the bad stuff but I can’t always see the good either. It’s hard to pick out a great talent when you think every aspect of your child is perfect. It’s like picking out your favorite part of the Sistine Chapel. HARD!

This is why perspective often times has to come from outside. Of course, I spend more time with my child than anyone else therefore, I know them best but that doesn’t mean that I know everything.

Godly relationships with other parents are invaluable. Those parents see your child in a light you never will. They are looking when you aren’t. They know what to look for because they have kids. Listening to what they have to say and being open to others input on your child’s’ behavior, good or bad, is a great way to get perspective. Don’t discount what others have to say, especially when you can see the fruits of the spirit in them. Listen and be open without taking offense and without over-reacting. Remember, all things in moderation!

It’s not only people with children to whom we should be listening. You should also be listening to those who have healthy godly relationships with other and DON’T have children. These people are few and far between and they have a very unique and important perspective on parenting and child rearing that cannot be discounted. They can really see things from the outside that no parent can. They are relatively impartial and can be trusted to give a Godly and Christlike opinion that should be factored in when you are considering your child’s talents, behavior and growth.

Remember these tips when you are interacting with others at play dates, at school or when you are just chatting with your girlfriends.