I have a pregnant friend. Every time I see her, she is glowing and happy and although she’s only 3 weeks from having this kid, she seems to be holding it together really good. Watching her and talking with some other friends on Facebook about pregnancy brought back memories. The other night when I needed a laugh, I went back in the archives of my blogs back to when I was still writing it on MySpace and found the one from my first OBGYN appointment and I got a kick out of it. I never repost but I thought this one was way to funny not to rehash just for the hilarity of it!
I’m going to take this opportunity to rant about my first OBGYN appointment. I was referred to this clinic by someone who knows they are good but has a different doctor than me. I have to admit the nurses are nice. That’s the only reason I’m still going there. I walk in and almost immediately, I realize that I’m in a bit of trouble. There are pictures of live birth EVERYWHERE! In the lobby, the photos are mild: sweaty mothers holding their somewhat gooey newborns… but as you progress further in, the pictures get worse. LIVE BIRTHS means vaginas stretched to the size of softballs as a HEAD comes out! Baby faces squished like little prunes protruding from places not meant to be photographed. It’s scary. I’m giving my urine sample and there’s a crowning picture staring back at me.
There are three very large dogs. Not really that big of a deal. They are friendly and dog people are usually my kind of people except it’s summer time in Asheville, NC and the dogs are HUGE huskies and shedding like it’s going out of style. Isn’t a doctor’s office supposed to be sterile or somethin’…? They also lay in the path of any unsuspecting pregnant chick and let me tell you, some of those ladies are not capable of putting on matching socks in the morning let alone avoiding a monster dog lying in their path.
They ask me to go and have my ultrasound, but apparently I have to empty my bladder first. So I do that, then I go see my baby on the monitor (sooo cool!!!). Then I am asked to wait in a smaller waiting room that is not an examining room. The usual weight and blood pressure measurements are taken.
Then they ask me for a urine sample. Couldn’t they have used all the stuff I just let out before the ultrasound? I have to sit and drink a bottle of water and wait for 20 minutes just so I can give them a urine sample. After waiting for the full 20 minutes, I give them the sample and wait some more until I am finally allowed into the examining room to WAIT for the doctor. Couldn’t I have been waiting for the doctor at the same time as waiting for the urine sample? OK, maybe she needed to see the results. She examines me and the whole time she’s looking up my hoo-ha, she’s humming “It’s Now or Never.” No seriously. She’s not talking to me unless she has a pertinent question.
Now men, I’m sorry, but you may want to really skip this part…. there is this metal thing they put up there and spread out so they can see up into the recesses of the female genitalia. She puts it up there, realizes she has forgotten something and WALKS AWAY. The metal device snaps shut and SHOOTS out of me across the room! “Oops,” she murmurs, as she picks it up off the floor and puts it back in me!
Finally, she gets a good look and I redress before we go into her office to… talk, I guess… Anyway, she is still humming and she spends 5 minutes trying to figure out my due date. She’s not talking to me, just humming, looking back and forth at the ultrasound pictures and my chart and back and forth and wielding what looks to be some sort of circular calendar. She is muttering about how the pictures and my recollection of my last period just don’t seem to match up but she’s not asking me a question. Just talking and humming to herself. I start to get somewhat uncomfortable when she finally looks up at me and tells me I need to come in for my next ultrasound at 16 weeks to find out the sex of the baby. Now I know it’s supposed to be 20 weeks for sure. Casey’s ultrasound was at 20 weeks, all the baby books say it’s supposed to be at 20 weeks, and Google definitely thinks 20 weeks is the norm. I ask. She doesn’t believe me. She tells me that she has the best ultrasound chick ever and that she can always tell at 16 weeks.
I’m finally leaving and they tell me they need blood work. WHAT?! I’ve been there for 2 hours. Couldn’t they have gotten the blood work when I was waiting for the urine sample? Or maybe when I was waiting for the doctor? Or maybe one of the other times I was WAITING?! Good grief!!!!!! Two weeks later I receive a call from the OBGYN office saying that someone scheduled my 20 week ultrasound for my 16th week and would I be willing to reschedule. Sure. Why the heck not?