Gravity

After my initial excitement about getting out and doing something out of the house, reality started to set in. Yesterday was my second day shadowing at the center. My job entails running the front desk and doing intake. That means that if someone comes in for material needs or for the first time, I help them. Most of the time, when someone is in for the first time, it’s to have a pregnancy test. We only offer two really medical things: pregnancy tests and ultrasounds.

When they come in, I take them to the back room, ask them some questions, send them to pee in the cup, and then ask them more questions. Then I get to be Vanna White and get the results. This is the moment that really scares me. I mean, you are about to change someones life. You know how you felt about that blinking little hour glass on your pregnancy test? I am that blinking light. We are administering medical grade tests so I have to go out of the room and get the results from the nurse. I come back to the room, tell them whether they are pregnant or not. I have to wait for the reaction. Sometimes they are happy they are not pregnant. Sometimes they are ok that they are. Sometimes, they are devastated that they are. We kinda have to take it from there. If they aren’t we scold them in the nicest way possible and send them on their way. I know… If they are, we tell them about their options. We provide a program that help with material needs and helps educate them on parenting and pregnancy and child birth and the whole thing. It’s really cool. We do not advise abortion although we have all the information that tells them about what it is and what happens. We do not give out birth control of any kind. We also have tons of information about adoption and we do refer people to a wonderful christian adoption agency. It’s all about education! I like it.

My first client who I helped (with someone watching me instead of me watching someone) was a sullen teenager. You know the kind. They watch to much Twilight and want to brood over the possible loss of their own personal obsession. It was a toughy. I did decide at that moment that the hardest thing is going to be not judging. I knew the girl wasn’t pregnant. I knew she was there with a group of her friends to have a little moment of late night talk show drama. However, I have to treat her the same as any other client and that’s HARD! It is especially hard when you know that there are other clients waiting who have an actual life changing event happening in the next few minutes and they are really scared and really need you to be there for them. The gravity of the information, the weight of the moment presses down on me as I see what is happening.

When I was a teacher, there was only one pregnancy in the school that I ever found out about and I didn’t talk to the girl about it until she was in her third trimester. I have never really been a part of an unwanted pregnancy so this is all very new. The thing that makes me want to stay and continue is that I love babies. I love mothers. I love this time of life and I want to support those who choose to carry their child to term and raise it on their own or who chose to give it up for adoption. I just have to figure out how to let go of the annoyance when there is someone who I know is lying to me, using me, not caring that this is weighty information and treat them like anyone else.

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