Innocence

I’m reading this book that has characters in it that are making choices, life choices that alter everything.

It has put my mind to wondering: If what society tells us is correct – that sex is ok whenever you feel like you are ready – than why are ALL parents, not just the christian ones who are all moral and stuff, worried about their kids doing it?

Why, when an unmarried child starts to have sex, are the parents concerned about them? Why do they ask all these questions like, “Are you being pressured? Are you using protection? Is this really what you want to do?” If it’s such a weighty decision, why is society so hell bent on making it a casual thing? And if sex is casual, why is that first time so important to everyone?

Why are people even concerned at all? Why don’t we all just put our kids on birth control at puberty, load them up with condoms so their risk of disease is lessened significantly, get them vaccinated against whatever STD’s we can and let them at it? Why is it that even when all these precautions have been taken, parents are still wondering, wishing their child had waited for… what? What are the waiting for? The one?

If that person is “the one” then why can’t the two just get married and stay together forever? There is so much logical fallacy in the common norm that is being pushed out there. If you should wait until you are in love, why is it embarrassing to be a 25 year old virgin? If you wait for “the one?” why do you not commit FOREVER to that “one?” Why do you and “the one” leave the relationship open ended? How often do I hear people say they wish “the one” had a sign on their forehead that just matched them up so they could be done kissing frogs and be happy with one person in that happily ever after?Why do you break up with “the one?” Were they not “the one?” And if they weren’t, have you given something to someone who didn’t deserve it?

If it’s such a bad thing to be a virgin after a certain time in your life, doesn’t that, in itself, pressure our young people to give up their virginity to whoever just to not be embarrassed that they are still in that category? I thought the whole thing about letting them decide was to not feel pressured?

As I watched a TV show that dealt with these exact questions, I saw my girls playing together, holding hands and just loving being around each other and I thought how innocent they are and how I wanted to capture that and bottle it and feed it to them when they are 15 so they will never feel the pressure of society. How can I help my children see that innocence is a gift and they shouldn’t just let it go? How can I preserve it?

When my child asks me about sex and love and marriage and their future, what will I say? How will I react? How can I convince them that “it” is worth waiting for no matter what other’s say?

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2 responses to “Innocence

  1. I think the best thing you can do for your daughters is love them, be there for them, support them, teach them self-respect, help them build up thier strengths and overcome thier weakness, have a father figure, and be part of a larger community (extended family, religious group, etc.). I’m 22, a virgin, and waiting for the person who I can and want to spend the rest of my life with. I had a rough time with social pressure from 19-20, but being close to family (even if not talking about sex and such) was vital. I spent my life in Catholic school, which created a guilt complex surrounding sex…it worked, although I don’t think it grossly distorted my view of sex until the past few years. The most important thing (at least for me) is self-respect – a notion of this is who I am, I’m doing what I feel is best for me, I have all of these positive qualities, I’m successful and will continue to be so…I’m a valuable as is, but saving my virginity ultimately adds to that, both for me (integrity) and for my future husband (trust). It really is an individual’s own choice, but when your daughters are old enough, I would encourage them to wait…it may be a challange, but it’s one people don’t generally regret (the same isn’t often said of losing one’s virginity early). Thanks for your thought-provoking post and the best to you and your family!

    • This was such a great response. I completely agree in not guilting them into abstaining but teaching them self-respect – to guard themselves because they are so valuable.

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