I’m that girl. The one that wants to do EVERYTHING! It has led to me doing… alot. Not everything but most things at one time or another. I realized this as little by little more and more of me is trickling out to my new Montana friends.
“We need someone to paint a picture of this.”
Ooo! Pick me! I’m an artist!
“We need someone to design a t-shirt.”
Oooo! PICK ME! My degree is in graphic design.
“We need someone to help with the youth sexual integrity program.
Oooo! Pick me! I worked at academies for several years. I have experience with teenagers
“We need someone to make cookies.”
OOOO!!! I love to cook and I have a killer recipe.
I could go on but I’m betting you get the idea. I have been a photographer, computer teacher, art teacher, yearbook sponsor, waitress, graphic designer, mom, swimming instructor, lifeguard, camp counselor, program director, set designer, stage manager, assisted living administrator, newspaper layout editor, janitor, office worker and on.. and on… So you can only imagine the amount of times someone has said, “Does anyone have experience?” And I’m like, jumping up and down in the back row with my hand up.
The thing is, my house is a mess and I can hardly get it together every day. How do I have time to do all this stuff I volunteer for or apply for? I don’t. I don’t have time. I’m trying to just be a mom but it gives me no satisfaction because it’s never DONE. I rarely have the whole house clean at once (because there are monsters going around destroying it as I go), I never get the kids to bed and just sit on the couch satisfied that I have completed another day because they NEVER go to sleep and they wake up at the crack of dawn. I never get to do a project all the way through in less than a month and I’m just so stinkin’ worn out every night. That’s why I HAVE to get out of the house and do stuff that involves… adults. I have to leave the chaos and accomplish something that gets finished and that makes me feel productive.
I usually feel like a complete failure because my main job is being neglected and a fraud because my experience in all those things is so limited and yet all I want to do is put more on my plate so maybe I will feel like a success at SOMETHING!
I know what you are thinking. Just stay home and say no to everything until you can get it together at that one thing and then add stuff back. I tried that for a few months and I just ended up sitting in the middle of a dirty house watching TV and feeling depressed that I couldn’t get on top of it.
That’s where that need comes in so strongly. To feel like I’m useful to someone who is going to appreciate it now and not 20 years from now when they come home and say, “Mom, how did you do it?!”, I offer to do everything and anything. I get overwhelmed with my own activities and the feeling perpetuates.
So here in Montana, a fresh start, a new beginning, I have made a pact with my husband who holds me accountable – I’m not going to say yes to more than 3 things. Right now I have bells, Bible Study, and CareNet. I also attend MOPS when I can and I’m totally fudging because I’m going to try and get into the leadership with them. I’m not a leader in the Bible Study so… it doesn’t really count!
It’s really hard not to jump into everything else though. I really want to get involved in my home church. I want to start another mom’s group just for play dates. I want to get a job that pays so I can help with the financial burden of the household. I just find it really hard to say no – even to myself! Because I get such a sense of satisfaction out of doing something and being a part of something.
The job thing is really hard for me because this is the first time in my life that I haven’t been contributing financially. Every time I see a HELP WANTED sign, I have to really hold back not to apply. But then comes the whole question of who would watch the kids and would I just end up paying for childcare and is that really what I want?
Anyone else feel that way?